Today’s #AskMeAnything is a collection of all the quick & dirty Ask Me Anything questions that happened during the very fun 24 Hours of Kink FB event his weekend! Curious what the #AskMeAnything is? Check out the official AMA page on my site over here.
Q: I tossed out my Ask Me Anything during my takeover time in the 24 Hours of Kink FB event and this is what happened…
Where’s the craziest/strangest place you’ve had sex? (Asked twice!)
The stacks (upper levels) of my college library… ^_^ or the Jægersborg Dyrehave (public hiking forest/park) in Denmark! I’ve gotta go with the Jægersborg Dyrehave in Denmark, because my Dom tied me nude to a tree, whipped me, and then pulled me down and face-fucked me and then we had sex. It was … MORE than possible that someone would come to our area of the forest, but we hiked 5 miles out and into a dip in the land to find a spot to play. He was born in Denmark and it had been a fantasy of his, so when we went about a year ago it was his wishlist item. Aaaaand we checked it off. ;p
What is on Jennifer Bene’s hard list?
Pictures/video without permission, ATM (anal-to-mouth) or ATV (anal-to-vaginal), scat play, no marks I can’t cover with day job clothes, and no calling me “wench”. (It’s obscenely short).
When did you know this lifestyle was for you?
I’m one of those people who always wanted it before I even knew it was a thing, or that it had a name. Sort of stumbled into the “real” words for it in college with my first “Dom” at 19 and we learned together by searching on the ancient internet (AOL!).
How did you realize you were a masochistic? Into the bdsm scene?
Honestly, I liked the stuff before I ever had a name for it, I was playing rough and with pain and bondage play before I even knew there were names for that stuff. When I finally got introduced to BDSM as a “thing” I looked over the terms and was like “Oh! That’s me!” lol
How do I know if this BDSM stuff is for me? I’m trying to figure out if I’d like to try stuff or if I just like reading about it… lol
Hmmm, that’s something only you can know. Trying out some elements of the play that arouse you in your head (in a safe environment, with a safe word, etc, etc) is the only real way to find out. I love *reading* about breath play, but when my Dom and I do it in real life there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll have a panic attack. I never thought I’d be okay with watersports, and I totally am. We don’t know until we try, but when we DO try, we have to listen to our gut and let that make the decision about whether it’s right for us or not.
What kink haven’t you written about that you would like to?
What (as someone who has been in the lifestyle so long) is one of your pet peeves about new/novice bdsm writers?
LOL! I wrote an entire #AskMeAnything about it riiiiight over here. https://jenniferbene.com/…/ask-me-anything-what-are…/
How did you meet your Dom?
We met on a BDSM meet-up/dating website called Fetlife. com and we met for the first time at our local club (public place, I had a safe call and a picture of his driver’s license, etc). We played at the club and both sort of realized that we were a good match. He’s a major sadist, I’m a major masochist, and we just fit. ^_^
I wrote about smart tips for getting into the scene over here… https://jenniferbene.com/…/ask-me-anything-how-do-i…/
How long do you usually stay with a Dom? How long before you trust him?
The timeline with someone wavers a lot, and trust is something that is earned. If I scene hard with someone (like I did with my current Dom) early on, and he handles himself, and me, well – then I’m more likely to trust him. Someone who wavers and is shy or nervous, I’m way less likely to trust because once I hit subspace in a scene I won’t be capable of making smart decisions about myself – so the result is I *don’t* let go with those Doms and I eventually stop seeing them.
I’m honestly very surprised I’m still with the Dom I am now, but he’s very accepting of who I am. Neither of us are monogamous (which is what I need, it took him a bit to adjust to it), we’re not romantic… well, just read this: https://jenniferbene.com/…/ask-me-anything-what-kind…/
What genre would you love to write but don’t feel you would do justice too?
I would really love to write high fantasy. I have the first chapter of this awesome book about wizards and magic in the old style where the main character slowly gathers together his party and then takes on the big bad to win the day and free the lands – but I wouldn’t have a developed audience for it and it would take me a LONG time to write. My DnD and ren faire friends want me to write that because they don’t read my erotica, but … maybe someday if I’m ever able to quit the day job? lol
What do/have you written into your books that you don’t care for? Character trait? Something cliche you feel you have to add?
The really sweet moments of my books, the sappy lovey moments, are hard to write for me because those are things I don’t enjoy in real life. I struggle to write them even though I know the story needs them, my characters even *want* them, but that’s when I have to take myself out of the situation and write what needs to be written for the book. I’m sure it’s similar to how more well-adjusted “normal” authors feel about writing horrific violence. LOL
Aaaaaaand, that’s all folks!
I had so much fun answering questions, even though Facebook literally banned me from posting/commenting TWICE during the weekend without any kind of warning. I’m thinking the huge number of takeovers in the last week to celebrate Black Light: Valentine Roulette bothered the FB gods… haha. Anyway, I loved answering these questions and wanted to collect this fun, quick and dirty Q&A together for those who may not have been able to attend (or check back in with as many posts as there were!).
Thank you lovelies for always supporting me, there’s so much fun to come this year and we’re just getting started! <3