Jennifer Bene

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Reign of Ruin’ by Jennifer Bene

Hey lovelies! I am out of town with my mother this week, but I have good news! I’ve got a FREE SHORT STORY for all of you to prepare you for the utter darkness coming with my book ‘Reign of Ruin’ in May.

‘The Day the Sky Burned’ is a FREE prequel I’m giving to everyone who wants it. It will definitely… whet your appetites for the utter chaos and devastation inside Reign of Ruin.

Just an FYI for those that missed my story ‘Baptized in Eden’ (which came out in Twisted Sacrament last year) this is that story with a brand new edit, a seriously extended ending (12k+ words if you don’t include the short story), and a wicked twist. It goes dark, oh boyyyy does it go dark and twisted, but I blame Zoe Blake for bringing this level of disturbing out in me. 😈

* * *

Reign of Ruin

‘The priests want me to thank God, but the only thing I pray for is death.’

There is nothing before Eden. Just flashes of a time before Danielle woke up in chains, in hell, to be violated and broken.

Over, and over, and over.

They say that God honors those who serve, that each baptism is a gift, but all Danielle wants is to die.

Eden has other plans.

* * *

“Let us pray,” the head cardinal said, laying his palms on her thighs as he stepped closer to the table. “God, give us the strength to baptize this woman of Eden. To mark her as one protected by the house of the Lord, and to cloak her in the power of the holy. Fathers, I remind all of us that God shall never give us more temptation than we can handle, for in this we must serve him well.”

“Amen,” they chorused around her, and then two of the black cloaked men stepped forward to remove the elaborate crimson robe from the head cardinal. She couldn’t see him well with her head pinned to the table, but she could hear the sound of his hand working his cock and the low groan in his chest. Another cardinal pressed his hand into her lower belly, and she whined. The lightest brush of her clit summoned liquid heat, and someone dragged their finger through her folds, spreading the wetness that she hoped made some difference to what the other bastard had done to her in his fucked-up hospital.

“Give your pain to God,” the head cardinal said as he lined up and thrust in hard, tearing into her with one vicious spike of agony. Her scream was muffled by the hand over her lips, body pinned to the stone beneath her as the man pulled back and thrust again. Just as horrible, she wailed, finally able to voice the torment as her entrance was forced open and her inner walls seized and cramped. “Your purity, your suffering, is what will make the blessing strong.”

* * *

You can not only preorder Reign of Ruin, but you can already get it in a beautiful paperback! I can’t wait to hear what you all think of TDTSB and I hope you’re ready for RoR! Make sure you get The Day The Sky Burned here https://dl.bookfunnel.com/zw88syg409 and then tell me what you think!

Amazon: Preorder Now

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Want more of, well… me?

Jennifer Bene is a USA Today bestselling author of dangerously sexy and deviously dark romance. From BDSM, to Suspense, Dark Romance, and Thrillers–she writes it all. Always delivering a twisty, spine-tingling journey with the promise of a happily-ever-after.

Find her on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/jbeneauthor
Like her Author Page – http://www.facebook.com/jenniferbeneauthor/
Follow her on Twitter – https://twitter.com/jbeneauthor 
Get a free book – http://tinyurl.com/jbeneauthor

Cover Reveal! ‘Burned’ by Jennifer Bene – SURPRISE!

Surprise! I have an (unplanned) book coming out on June 14th and I wanted to bring you the cover. And a warning. Like, a legit warning. No really, there is a big ol’ 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 in front of this book. This book is not even remotely “dark romance”. Or romance at all. Think of this more as a horror-tragedy, with extremely taboo and uncomfortable subject matter. But look how pretty the cover is!

In fact, if you haven’t read Yolanda Olson’s book “Inferno” you probably shouldn’t look twice at “Burned”. It is going to be like a horrific, slow-moving trainwreck where you’re just waiting to find out the final toll of dead and injured. There are no happy endings in the world of Inferno, it’s just dark, horrifying, nightmare fuel where a lot of people die and you have now been warned!! 😰 I have reached out to a couple of people and told them specifically NOT to read this, it’s that bad. #seriously

But, if you LOVE super dark and super taboo, this is going to be amazing for you. I just really reaaalllyyyy hope you guys still love me after this one! I posted a video in the Dark Haven about why this book is happening. Come check it out HERE.

Read Inferno ➡️ https://amzn.to/2Jg090v

Add ‘Burned’ to your TBR here ➡️ http://bit.ly/2DCHdp6

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Breaking Beth’ by Jennifer Bene

It is Tuesday, lovelies, and I am SO excited because ‘Breaking Beth’ releases TOMORROW! This is a super dark story and although it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t expect amazing things, I know that it’s going to start an incredible story that so many fans of the Thalia series have wanted. Just beware, it is a very dark beginning that follows the time when Anthony had Beth, and it doesn’t end happily… but her happy ending will come through the series. I promise.

* * *

Breaking Beth

It would take time. Time to destroy who she used to be… time for all her hope to die… time to truly make her a thing.

But he would.

Anthony took Beth to remake her into the perfect toy for his customers. Mindless, obedient, a broken thing without complications.

But Beth is strong.

She refuses to break, refuses to let Anthony erase her… even if that means losing in the end.

* * *

Excerpt

He was there. Above her, looking down like she was a bug pinned to a board for him. The ropes were cut, but she still wasn’t moving. She was obeying, staying still like he’d commanded, and the camera in the ceiling was watching.

“Open your mouth.”

There were a hundred pleas she wanted to say, a thousand questions she wanted to ask. So many whys and useless things. Instead, she opened her fucking mouth.

“Wider.”

She stretched her lips, her aching jaw, and he brought the knife into view. For a nanosecond she started to close her mouth, but his head tilted the tiniest fraction and she stopped. Kept it open, eyes glued to the shining edge of the blade.

“I want to make something clear, so that you don’t misunderstand.” Turning the knife in his fingers, he angled it down and then slid the flat of it over her bottom lip, the sharp point inside her mouth. “I am not merciful. When you are disobedient, you will be punished. Severely.”

A whimper escaped her throat, but as the flat of the blade moved deeper and brushed her tongue she froze. Pressed her tongue to the floor of her mouth, tears making her eyes sting as the taste of metal stroked back and forth.

“I will let you keep your teeth, but only because you are prettier with them than without them. Worth more.” His other hand lifted, brushing hair off her forehead, unsticking it from the drying tears on her cheeks. “But at some point I will fuck your throat, and I want you to remember this moment. Think about this knife as I slide my cock into your mouth, and remember that if you ever bite me again, I can do terrible things to you and still leave you pretty on the outside. Blink if you understand.”

She blinked slowly, squeezing her eyes shut before she opened them again.

“Good girl.”

* * *

I love Beth’s story and I am SO anxious to write books 2 & 3. The characters are talking so loudly, I am wondering if I will be able to put them off until 2020 or if I will have no choice but to to write book 2 before then! I am ALSO writing book 3 of Fragile Ties, ‘Redemption’, and I ALSO have a new, super dark story called ‘Reign of Ruin’ releasing on May 15th. I can’t wait to have you read all of the stories I have coming, lovelies, being a full time author is really helping me write so much faster and it is all thanks to YOUR support. Thank you!

Amazon: Preorder Now!

* * *

Want more of, well… me?

Jennifer Bene is a USA Today bestselling author of dangerously sexy and deviously dark romance. From BDSM, to Suspense, Dark Romance, and Thrillers–she writes it all. Always delivering a twisty, spine-tingling journey with the promise of a happily-ever-after.

Find her on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/jbeneauthor
Like her Author Page – http://www.facebook.com/jenniferbeneauthor/
Follow her on Twitter – https://twitter.com/jbeneauthor 
Get a free book – http://tinyurl.com/jbeneauthor

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Ruled’ by Cari Silverwood

It’s Tuesday and I am excited. People are really liking the cover of ‘Breaking Beth’, I have started a new co-write project with Cari Silverwood, and the universe is finally being nicer to me and not kicking me every day. So have you seen the cover of ‘Breaking Beth’ yet? I am simply in love with Laura Hidalgo’s work, she takes my ideas and brings them to the next level!

This week I wanted to bring you an excerpt of ‘Ruled’ because Cari has done this dystopian sci-fi romance so very well. With a HAWT and kinky story like this, you are going to #oneclick this story and not regret it.

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Ruled

He’ll put this princess where she belongs. On her knees.

Calli’s father was king of this city. Drake has taken it now, and soon the little human princess will kneel at his feet and surrender not only her throne but her beautiful virgin body as well.

Though she does her best to hide her helpless arousal as the huge, battle-hardened beast tears her clothing to shreds and then spanks her soundly for daring to defy him, it isn’t long before Calli’s need has grown so intense that she can only beg for Drake to ravage her hard and thoroughly.

She will reign at his side, yet as Drake fits her with the leash and collar she is to wear as he claims her publicly as his mate, Calli is left in no doubt that she will be well and truly ruled.

* * *

Excerpt

Calli let her gaze travel down him, stickily, for every second her eyes would see something of him that pulled her to a stop. The stubble on his jaw, the twisted muscles of his neck, the way his chest moved, even the buttons on his shirt seemed… horribly, wonderfully lickable. Her gaze dribbled, stuck, skipped, and drooled all the way down this mauleon called Drake until she reached where those massive legs joined, where the swell of his pants spoke of… arousal.
Calliope swallowed. Prison or this. She’d never been anti-mauleon like her brothers, had preferred her father’s way but this was wrong.
Then why did it excite her?
“Your answer, Princess?”
Fuck his calmness.
Slowly, with these legs that no longer seemed hers, she kneeled.
“Good. Then we have an agreement.” He set his hand to his chin, scratched there. “I find I like seeing you on your knees before me.”
She shot him a glare, enraged at him as well as at herself for her attraction to this mauleon.
He offered his hand again, upturned and with relaxed fingers, and she thought he meant to help her to her feet. He left his hand there, inches from her face. The lure of the predatory angler fish.
Drake a fish… Hah.
Then she extended her arm and met his hand with hers.
So warm, and she could see his skin had the whorls of fingerprints as a man’s would.
The calluses said he worked hard, maybe wielded a sword. Not everyone learned swordplay. Handcrafted bullets did the job better, if less silently.
Though his claws had retracted, now they slowly unsheathed, and she found herself touching one, her fingertip running down the ridged curve of hard claw until her finger bumped over his finger, joint by joint, to his palm. He closed his hand, trapping her. Again.
The room became so very hot. Calli sucked in a shaky inhalation and raised her eyes to his.
“Hmmm.” That rumble sounded like a pleased one. “I will give you a lesson before I go. This will aid you in the future if I take you.”
Fuck. He was making her want to swear. Bad man.
“Take?”
“Yes. I assume you know what that means.”
“I…”
His smile was barely there—just a mild raising of his lips, as if she intrigued and amused him.
The world felt on the verge of strange and terrible things.
Also the slickness between her legs was making her armored suit terribly uncomfortable. He’d caused that. A dose of reality versus the fantasy of… of fucking this brute.
Then he took her wrist and pulled her to her feet, while wrapping his other hand around the back of her neck. Relentlessly, he pulled her closer until she stood between his knees. And she knew she should have resisted more. Lost, she was so bewildered by this, especially when he leaned forward and… he kissed her.
Wow.
She gulped in a breath, and fell into an abyss, utterly absorbed by this divine pleasure blossoming within. Eyelids fluttering, blind to anything but this moment, she let him take what he wanted from her, his hands on her, his mouth pressing on her mouth.
He drew away, leaving emptiness and tremors of delicate lust wherever he’d touched.
Bewildered, she tried to decipher what she felt, how it had been. She could taste him. Exotic, strange—another person had met her mouth, been in her mouth, for his tongue had dipped inside.
“Wait.” Half-heartedly she pushed at his chest, which made zero difference. He didn’t move. She couldn’t push away. Instead she gripped the lower edge of the arm that went behind her. “I’ve never done anything—”
“I know.”
“I’m your queen.”
“Not unless I arrange it.”
Calli frowned.
Her mouth opened then her determination leaked away, for he’d placed his other hand at her neck. Both were wrapped about her, a collar of male hands, holding her. As if controlled by another, her fingertips found his hands, gently felt along them, touching, marveling even.
She panted, unable to stop, and he watched her every move. His lips stretched in what seemed a cruel smile.
Her toes curled. That smile made her swell below, made her wetter.
And that mouth, his mouth… she’d only ever kissed people on the cheek. Kissing with him holding her in place had been a revelation. Her heart knocked at her chest.
“I know you’re a virgin and have never had a man in you.”
Her eyes locked open. This was the most uncomfortable discussion, ever. Though she’d often inserted her favorite dildo, she wasn’t telling him that.
“So, I am going to open you a little. It will help you.”
“What—”
Then he kissed her again, with those hands still holding her exactly where he wanted her.
He wasn’t gentle this time, he ravaged—her lips, her mouth, her neck, turning her to get better access, lifting away one hand and biting. She felt teeth, fangs, press into the side of her neck. The room lurched and she forgot how to breathe.
“You’ve never had anyone tell you what to do, have you? Or handle you like this.”
His fingers had relaxed, now he firmed them on her, and his thumb pushed up her jaw. Her swallow bumped his palm.
The hand he’d removed from her neck arrived between her legs and slid. A second later, she both heard and felt his claw puncture the cloth, tearing open the suit and her underwear.
“You’re wet, Princess.” He kissed her neck.
Coolness caressed her below then a rigid claw probed her. Caught, she felt the claw retract and there was only his thick finger, pushing, slicking up and down her slit. A tingle rushed from below, shivering through her as he began to rub her clit then press on her entrance, over and over.
The rising pleasure obliterated her shame.
Seconds or an eternity later, he managed to get that finger into her. It slowly thrust upward, into her, overcoming the clamp of her muscles. Calli bit her lip to stifle her moans, shuddering at the penetration.
Her trembling legs weakened and she relaxed enough to allow him to tear her suit further and mess with her. Mess with her mind, her pussy, her sense of who she should be.
“I shouldn’t.” Those words rasped from her throat, even as she clutched at his wrist below.
He had her though, was inside her where no one ever had been. Wrong and yet so right. It felt good. Her grip on his wrist fluctuated as her climax built. Grip, relax, grip harder, harder.
That was her making those small noises, shameful ones, her moaning and crying out at the thrusts, but she could not stop herself.
“Because you’re royalty? But you’re mine now, my princess, my queen-to-be. That’s it. Relax. Take my finger. I want to see what you look like when you come.” Stiff, bucking a little, she held onto his arm and the wrist of that probing hand.
His hand had stayed on her neck, while he toyed with her with fingers and claws, toggling her clit, pressing upward, shoving that inserted finger ever higher.
In, out, press, press. “Oh! Ohhh,” she whispered, grabbing at him. “Fff…” She wrenched into a body-jerking, mind-blanking orgasm. He let her slip through his hands and slump to the floor at his feet.
She found she’d flattened her palms to the floor.
So fast, she’d never come that fast playing with herself. The very idea of knowing a man had her, that he controlled her, while he did that, fucked her with his finger, it was novel, different, and beautifully bad. It made her wonder why she’d waited so long for sex.
Twenty-five and she’d kept herself a virgin because she’d been certain no one could ever really want her.
“I will return, my princess,” she heard him say from far above, as his boots walked away, taking him with them. He’d gone, left her? After doing that.
He’d made her come.
A shiny patch on the floor riveted her. Her face heated. She’d dripped her own wetness onto the floor.
This was not how queens, or princesses, behaved.

* * *

In other news, I had my first evaluation for Crossfit yesterday and I have a lot to work on but I’m happy. Fingers crossed they don’t kill me, because I have stories to write and they won’t come out if I end up dying from a stupid deadlift or pull up! #stupidfitness #fixingmymindandbody

Make sure you grab ‘Ruled’ and devour this not-very-dark sci-fi, because you are going to fall in love with Calli and Drake!

Amazon: 1-click now!

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Want more of Cari Silverwood?

Cari Silverwood is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling writer of kinky darkness or sometimes of dark kinkiness, depending on her moods and the amount of time she’s spent staring into the night. When others are writing bad men doing bad things you may find her writing good men who accidentally on purpose fall into the abyss and come out with their morals twisted in knots.

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/cari.silverwood
Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/CariSilverwoodAuthor/
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/864034900283067
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CariSilverwood
Website: http://www.carisilverwood.net
Newsletter: eeprul.com/iHKKz

Music Monday – Serotonin

I missed #MusicMonday last week, lovelies, because I needed some… well, serotonin. Hahaa… I actually first heard this song the day my grandfather died, and it ended up on repeat for a few days because the words really struck me and the tempo/beat of the song kept me moving while the tone of it still fit my mood. All in all, this is the first time I’ve heard this guy, but I’m definitely going to keep a look out for more! For the record, I’m doing a lot better today, but I still wanted to share ‘Serotonin’ by Call Me Karizma. Enjoy!

Lyrics

Break the fuckin’ mirror ’cause I hate the image.
Every single tear I cry is wasted liquid.
I fucked too many girls to count, I ain’t committed.
I guess being an asshole was a bad decision.

Thanks haters I love you,
no one above you.
I lost a thousand friends to threads, like where’s the undo?
Tweetin’ like I ain’t affected by the hate directed every second
Maybe I should take the weapon, blow.

Where are you going?
My serotonin…
I’m feeling alone and the world is so cold.
It’s hard to focus
without oxytocin…
Love is an ocean I can’t control.

Break up with my girl because she doesn’t trust me
I don’t fuckin’ blame her ’cause I trust in nothin’
Mama held a bottle, daddy doesn’t hug me.
All I ever wanted was someone to love me.

Thanks doctor I need those
Give me a free dose
I took a thousand happy pills but I’m still emo
Actin’ like I ain’t affected by the hate directed every second
Maybe I should fuckin’ end it now.

Where are you going?
My serotonin…
I’m feeling alone and the world is so cold.
It’s hard to focus
without oxytocin…
Love is an ocean I can’t control.

Chemicals, chemicals in my brain,
where’d you go, where’d you go anyways?
Left a hole where the bad wants to stay.
Everything, everything goes away.
Chemicals, chemicals in my brain,
where’d you go, where’d you go anyways?
Left a hole where the bad wants to stay.
Everything, everything goes away.

‘Serotonin’ by Call Me Karizma

Serotonin, Authoring, and Life

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, hasn’t it, lovelies?

Well, my plan (originally) was to write a version of this that first week in Authorlandia, but if you’ve followed me on social media at all then you’re probably aware of why that didn’t happen. If you don’t know… don’t worry, I’ll get to that. I wanted to open this rambling blog (complete with gifs as always) with something positive before I get into the rest of it. I wanted to say thank you.

For real, thank you.

I never would have taken the leap to go full-time as an author without all of your support, all of your kind messages, your reviews, your general niceness about me and my books. Even though it hasn’t quite been the ecstatic adventure I dreamed of so far, it’s still a dream come true, and I owe it all to you guys.

Just to give a brief update, since I’m sure most of you know… I left my day job on March 8th, and so my first full-time author day was Monday, March 11th. It was a pretty fun day, I got a lot done, I was feeling on top of the world as I worked on Inheritance and knocked out things I could have only wished for the time to do before it was my actual job.

Then, at about 3pm I got a phone call from my grandparents’ neighbor saying my grandfather had a heart attack and was nearby at a local hospital. I asked if I should do anything, should I tell my mom, etc., etc., and they told me to wait. A couple of hours later I got a call to go pick up my mom and bring her to the hospital because it didn’t look good. Now, if you’re just joining my mess of a life, you may not know that my mother has Stage 4 cancer and is not mobile. She has daytime care during the week, but on the weekends I help her out, and at night she doesn’t have someone on site because she sleeps a lot. We all live within an hour of each other, and my grandparents / mom / me / kiddo all see each other at least twice a month (on the weekends I have my daughter). We’re extremely close, and my grandfather has basically been my father figure my whole life. I wasn’t doing so great either, but I kind of went… numb. I had too much to do to freak out, cry, lose it.

 

So, I took my daughter to her dad’s house and then drove to my mom’s house (about 35 mins away) and broke the news to her that my grandfather was in the hospital. She was in bad shape, obviously very upset, but I was able to get her packed up with everything she’d need and in the car. We got to the hospital and it was very clear that my grandfather wasn’t okay. My step-grandmother (whom I love) was crying so hard she couldn’t talk, we had to get a nurse to come in and explain, and we were told he was already on life support with very little brain activity. Pa (my grandfather) had always been very clear that he didn’t want to be on life support. So, I had to help my step-grandmother fill out the DNR form because she has cataracts and couldn’t read it. Technically, I signed the DNR form for my grandfather. Yay, me. We stayed there all night, kept him on life support so my uncles could drive up from South Texas to be there in the morning. Life support ended early the next morning, and they kept him comfortable with morphine until he passed. It was surreal, and I alternated between crying with everyone else, and just sitting there. Staring at him, because I couldn’t imagine the world without him in it.

While we were sitting with him that morning, we learned this his sister (my great aunt?) had died on hospice care around 3am in the morning. She had been fighting a long battle with cancer, the same kind my mom has, the same kind my grandmother had, the same kind I will most likely have, and passed peacefully — but it was still a lot to handle. We all cried, a lot, and then I took my mom home with my uncles. Saw them off, because they had to get back home, and then I got my mom comfortable so she could rest. Then, I went back home, looking forward to seeing the new pet tarantula my daughter and I had been so excited about… only to find it had died in transit. My best friend had stayed at my house most of the day to receive her, opened the container she was in and put it in the enclosure, but she was already gone.

Cue complete and total meltdown.

 

Obviously… it wasn’t good. I had to get my daughter from school the next day and tell her about her Papa, to try and explain death to a five year old without screwing her up for life. I think I did an okay job. She kind of understands Papa is gone, but she’s also asked if he would come to her birthday party (which is this weekend). I just keep explaining it to her, reviewing the facts of death, how everything dies eventually. Big ideas for a little girl. I’m sure we’ll see in a decade or two if I handled it the right way.

But, I was still a full-time author, and for many of those days I just wasn’t doing my job. I was barely functioning, and so many of you reached out with kind words, sweet comments, and supportive messages. I’ll be forever grateful for all of that, in a way I can’t quite put into words. Still, I needed to get moving. I needed to get Inheritance out, especially since it was already sooooo late… but I liked where it was going. Then Niki came into town, we had a book signing, I met up with author friends, and I got the book finished. That weekend was wonderful, and it was easy not to slip back into a nest of depression because I had someone here that understood and wanted to see how David and Lianna wrapped up this book. It worked. I felt better. I was ready to get it out so I wouldn’t miss my March deadline on my goals for this year.

Because, fuck, I was going to have something go right in this new full-time author gig.

 

But, maybe that wasn’t the right move. Inheritance has fizzled. It never really took off, never broke top 1000 on Amazon, and Amazon isn’t posting the reviews from the people who did buy it. I know that book sales dipped for everyone in March, and maybe this is just the lingering effect of that, and Inheritance is the 2nd book in a series (which never sell as well, and definitely don’t sell as well when they come out 15 months after the original). I don’t even know why I thought it would do well. I’m not sure if it was hubris or just some ridiculous belief that the universe wouldn’t piss in my cheerios back to back, but I am most often a realist and I shouldn’t have hung my hopes on this book. I have so many more to release this year, and that is what I need to focus on. I know that I need to focus on that.

It’s just hard to get out of bed right now.

 

I wake up, take my daughter to school, come back and take care of the dogs and then just… crawl back into bed. Even though I try to pep-talk myself into feeling better, even though I know that the only thing that will make me feel better is accomplishing something. Anything. All my brain wants to do is lay in bed and zone out on the television, or listen to music and avoid the world, because the world hasn’t been very nice to me lately. I know that most people want to reach out when they’re sad, depressed, but all I want to do is crawl in a hole and disappear. I’m an anxiety-ridden introvert on the best of days, and when I’m down I just don’t have the energy for any of it. Still, people who love me are reaching into the dark and trying to pull me back out, and I am working on it.

Honestly, I’d be much farther down if I hadn’t started a different medication a couple of months ago, which was going to be the original topic for this blog post, back before the world caught fire. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression my entire life, but a very clever doctor of mine recognized some things I said and realized I was not clinically depressed — I had bipolar disorder. All of my insomnia-ridden writing weeks where I’d knock out 20k words and sleep a handful of hours a night? Clean the house in the middle of the night? Stay up and knock out my author to-do list and still go to work in the morning? My version of a manic episode. Sure, not very self-destructive… in fact, I was always very productive when I was manic. It’s just not a good idea to burn the candle at both ends, because it wears you down, and then it’s only a matter of time until something happens to nudge me off into a depressive episode.

 

And those, well, those last a long fucking time for me.

That’s basically what happened all last year. It’s why Inheritance was so god damn late. It’s why I published so little last year. The stress of my daughter starting kindergarten, buying a house, taking care of my mother, working two full-time jobs, and trying to plan for the possibility of going full-time as an author just… broke me. I couldn’t handle anything. I had multiple break downs. I scared a lot of people in my life who love me because they could see me unraveling, and the antidepressants I was on were not changing it at all.

Then I started the medicine for bipolar disorder, and it was like I could finally think straight. The world wasn’t completely meaningless and chaotic. Bad things still happened, but (honestly) I started to be able to handle the little things better. The way I described it to a friend of mine was that my brain had always felt like a five-lane highway completely full of cars, all of them speeding as fast as they could. My brain was never quiet, never stopped whirring, and that constant motion had my anxiety at a 9/10 almost all of the time last year. I had so many panic attacks because when anything happened, when anything tried to get onto that highway in my brain, it was an instant car crash. There was no capacity, no space for one more thing inside my head.

The medication has helped. I know that it has, but I don’t think all the medicine in the world could have adequately prepared my brain for my first month as a full-time author. The deaths, the drama, the release of Inheritance not doing what I’d hoped… it was too many big cars trying to get on the highway in my head (even though they’re slower now and there’s less of them).

So, have I been depressed? Absolutely.

Do I need more serotonin and endorphins? Yeah, I do. I’m looking into gyms / crossfit nearby to A) get me out of the house, and b) get me back in shape. So, I’m working on that, lovelies.

But, am I okay right now? The answer to that is…. kind of? I know that without my meds I’d be in a very different place. I wouldn’t have recovered enough last month to finish Inheritance and get it released. I wouldn’t be out of my bed right now writing this to you. I am doing better than I was, and I am going to keep moving forward. I promise.

So, I can tell you for sure, I will be okay.

 

How could I not be with this support system around me? I’m very lucky, I love all of you, and I know just how incredible this tribe is. Also, Breaking Beth will come out this month. And although it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t expect amazing things… I know that it’s going to start an incredible story that so many fans of the Thalia series have wanted.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot of stuff that’s been resting on my hard drive, waiting for me to have the time to get it in all of your hands, and so…. all I can say is “get ready” because there’s more coming this year. I’m trying to pick myself back up, I’m trying to get moving again, and just the fact that I’m upright this evening and my kitchen isn’t covered in dishes is a good sign.

I wouldn’t have been at this point a year ago, or without all of you.

So, I love you. I am grateful you put up with me, lovelies, and accept me even with all my mental health stuff. This is still my surreal dream come true, and I know that it will feel like it soon. I have to believe that. <3

Thank you guys,

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Chasing His Honey Badger’ by Golden Angel

Stupid Amazon is still holding back on publishing reviews, and I’m pretty sure it’s impacting sales. Inheritance never even broke the top 1000 on Amazon, sales are already dropping, and I’m just feeling so defeated. I was so excited for Inheritance and Amazon is doing a great job of making me feel like this was a huge waste.

Thankfully I have people talking me up, and I am trying to ignore this failure by focusing on the book I am releasing next month. I have Breaking Beth coming, a spinoff of The Thalia Series, and I am trying to focus on the positive. Like Golden Angel! She just published the next book in her Big Bad Bunnies Series, ‘Chasing His Honey Badger’, because what is more badass than a honey badger?! AND of course she released it on April Fools Day, because that is the best time to release such a fun book.

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Chasing His Honey Badger

Honey Badger Princess Rana Morn has anosmia – she can’t smell a thing. And honey badger don’t care, except the condition prevents her from ever knowing who her true mate is. With two so-called ‘mates’ in her past, this shifter strictly guards her heart now. The reward of finding her forever love just isn’t worth the risk of more pain.

After years of captivity and relentless experiments, Brice Bunson has no fear. That is, until he meets his mate and realizes she may never know they are a match. But with the help of his eager and nosy siblings, Brice is sure he has what it takes both in determination and charm to eventually claim Rana’s heart.

Yet before Brice and Rana can sort out their pairing, The Company mounts a new threat that threatens them all. This battle of the heart will quickly become a battle for everyone’s lives

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Excerpt

“Is this about your brothers’ third date rule?” Rana asked. The bed creaked and Brice’s eyes flew open at the noise.

“You know about the rule?” he asked, tracking her movements as she sat up. Then whimpered as she ran her hands over her breasts and down her stomach, skimming them along the tops of her thighs. Her legs were slightly spread, as if inviting him to come closer and push them wider, and he could see the swell of her nipples pressing against the thin material of her bra. “Then… wait, are you here because you don’t take me seriously? Or is this a test?”

She blinked, her hands pausing in their movement, obviously confused. “What do you mean, take you seriously?”

~~~~

The earnest expression on Brice’s face was adorable, although not nearly as much fun as when he’d first come through the door and looked at her like he wanted to run his tongue over every inch of her exposed body… and like he planned on making sure all of it was exposed.

Still standing in the doorway, Brice looked uncertain—and like he might bolt at any second. Normally that wouldn’t be flattering, but since he had a massive bulge at the front of his pants, lust in his eyes, and she knew that he was trying to stick to the timeline he’d been given, it was actually very flattering. He thought he might have to run away because he couldn’t resist her.

She liked that.

Chase!

If he ran, her honey badger was definitely ready to run after him.

Brice frowned down at her, starting to look kind of suspicious. “Brady and Brock said waiting till the third date before sex proves that I’m serious about you… is this your way of saying you’re not serious about me? Or is this a test to see if I’m actually serious?”

One thing about the Bunsons, they were very direct, with none of the games people sometimes like to play. It occurred to Rana that she probably could have just asked Brice at any time why he’d stopped kissing her and he would have told her. Noted. Now she knew for next time.

“Brice, you told me I’m you’re mate, passed the honey-badger-honey-pot test, braved breakfast with my cousins, and let my honey badger ride your bunny like a horse—twice. Exactly what makes you think that I wouldn’t think you’re serious?”

He opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. His forehead wrinkled. Then he gave her a look. “The fact that you’re trying to trick me into sex before the third date?”

That shouldn’t be cute, but it was. She was beginning to realize that was Brice though—confidence, charm, a take-charge attitude, and a big dose of adorable all rolled up together in one irresistible bundle.

Rana stood. He rocked slightly, like he was about to take a step back, but had stopped himself. Her honey badger churred, softly, as if trying to soothe him even though he couldn’t hear it. “Okay, so sex is off the table,” she said, smiling amiably as she sauntered forward. His eyes dropped to her breasts and then jerked back up to her face. Rana let her gaze fall down to his tightly fitted black t-shirt and the baggy black cargo pants that made up the uniform of all of Steele’s soldiers when they were on duty. It was a sexy look and it looked particularly good on Brice.

“What about kissing?” Brice audibly swallowed as she reached him, coming to a halt a few inches away from him and tilting her head back to look at him with a seductive expression. She parted her lips slightly, as if waiting for his kiss.

“Kissing is fine.”

“What about… touching?” She trailed her fingers over his chest, felt his breath stutter, and ran them down over his stomach, pulling away just before she reached the waistband of his pants. The air seemed to sizzle around them, the tension thick enough to cut, and Brice’s breaths were short and sharp as he struggled with his control. Her own breathing was shallower and faster than normal, she could feel what was inevitably coming, she was just waiting to see how long he could hold out.

“Fuck… Rana…” Strong fingers clamped around her hips, dragging her body against him as his lips descended. She met his kiss eagerly, grabbing at his sides and pulling his t-shirt out from where it was tucked in, opening her mouth for his tongue. He groaned as he practically devoured her, his hands sliding over her bare skin, caressing her like he was trying to touch every inch of her.

* * *

I have a lot of plans for 2019 and I am not going to let Amazon kill them on my first release as a new author. We are going to get through this, together, and you are going to help me remember this was the right decision. I love you guys!

Amazon: 1-click now! 

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Want more of Golden Angel?

Angel is a self-described bibliophile with a “kinky” bent who loves to write stories for the characters in her head. If she didn’t get them out, she’s pretty sure she’d go just a little crazy.

She is happily married, old enough to know better but still too young to care, and a big fan of happily-ever-afters, strong heroes and heroines, and sizzling chemistry.

She believes the world is a better place when there’s a little magic in it.

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Teaser Tuesday! ‘Delirium’ by Myra Danvers

There was so many bad things that happened IMMEDIATELY after quitting the day job, so it’s been hard to not think the universe is telling me this is a very bad idea. Thankfully I have had so freaking many of you remind me that ‘correlation does not equal causation’ and I think it is starting to sink in. (a little bit)

Enough about me, today I want to bring you a story that I FUCKING LOVE by an author who I FUCKING ADORE. Myra Danvers released her new story and it is absolutely everything! Get ready, because you are going to love these psychotic characters.

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Delirium

“We’ll never be done, you and I.” He pushed off her desk. Closed the distance between them with prowling steps, clenched fists, and oh, so much determination. “Too much unfinished business to ever call it over.” He stopped a few steps away from uncomfortably close. Braced his palm on the wall behind her head, forearm brushing the side of her throat. “’Sides”—he licked his lips, glanced down her shirt—“we never got our hate fuck, baby girl.”

Iris knows he’ll come.

He’ll come lookin’ for what she stole, what she refused to give up when everything went to hell.

Won’t find it, of course.

There’s nothing left but a pipe full o’the good stuff and the dregs of the past that refuse to die.

* * *

Excerpt

Something cold slithered into Iris’ guts. Something that tasted a lot like Big Evil’s charred, yet somehow undercooked skin, but she didn’t bother to squash it—even when it wriggled and wormed. No, she left it to marinate in the festering stew of everything else she’d refused to deal with or acknowledge over the years. That’s what antacids were for.

“So,” she asked, and took another drag because goddamnit, how? She could feel Death lurking in her peripherals even now, after number Six had done its damnedest to keep her heart functioning at full capacity. And yet Big Evil survived in spite of her calculations and obsessive planning? Survived being left in the detached cargo hold, floating without breathable oxygen in temperatures well below freezing? “That human cockroach can endure anything, apparently,” she grumbled, stretching out her dead fingers. “Just my luck, he’s probably immortal, and I’ll never be free of that stain. But you can’t be sure of anything until we’ve launched his still-breathin’ body into the deep.”

“I said no, Iris.”

“What’s the issue? You’ve stooped low enough to breed a roost of vultures, Mister Morals—a little cold-blooded murder won’t tip the scales much at this point. Hell,” she continued, “it’s not even murder, really. I did most of the killing. I’ll even push the button for you, baby. But I’ll be a rotting corpse before I share air with him again.” Daxx grinned. Sucking his teeth. “Poetic, but dead bodies don’t need air, pet.”

“Apparently that one does,” she returned, flinging her ruined hand in the direction of The Seeker’s cargo floating a few thousand klicks away—in the general direction of one still-breathin’ corpse. “Launch him into the ether before he gets the chance to get a little stab happy.”

“‘Big Evil’ is a man in high demand, which means I’ll be collectin’ him from the cargo hold before he dies, pet.” For a moment, he fiddled with her make-shift pipe, then tossed it aside, and said, “Now come. You’ve got a date with the detox fairy.”

“Well, that’s a poor choice,” she said, but allowed him to pull her from the pilot’s chair in spite of the burns and the slippery, slimy feet squelching in her boots. “Sober Iris isn’t half the Mech I am.” “Think I’ll take my chances, thanks.” The lane boss snorted, guiding her aft, toward The Seeker’s back exit. The rest of his ragtag crew followed along without being told, all obedient n’shit. Iris shrugged. “Whatever tickles your taint, Daxx.” And then, because she needed Daxx to know exactly how serious she was about turning The Seeker into an untouched mausoleum dedicated to no other but her, she said, “Seeker? Initiate protocol Tangerine Dream.”

In response, The Seeker’s dash flashed with a flood of orange light. Glowing in spurts between bright and almost black, her words plunged Daxx’s crew into near-dark. Serenaded them all with the dull hum of The Seeker’s life support systems going offline and the hissssss of precious gases being jettisoned into the deep, all at once. But it was the inverted pop of her electromag shields shutting down that drew a furious curse from Daxx’s lips. “What the fuck, Iris?” the lane boss snapped, and jerked her through the exit hatch. “Couldn’t have waited for us to be gone before you shut her down? Fucking junkie!”

He had reason to fear, she’d give him that much. Without those shields, it wouldn’t be long before all manner of galactic cosmic radiation smashed into the squishy, delicate humans within.

Unraveling their DNA with gleeful abandon just to see what a sentient being might look like when reduced to nothing more than base elements. Grinning, even though she’d just destroyed her entire crop of opium, Iris stumbled along at his side. A wet noodle of perfect obedience. “Daxx, baby! Come on. I thought you were all about taking risks? What’s more thrilling than the very real threat of having your lungs turned inside out and crystallizing before your frozen eyeballs? Maybe the radiation will give you superpowers.”

He didn’t reply. Merely hustled her along behind his crew, shoving her faster than her blistered feet could keep up with. And when Iris stumbled—skinning her knees on The Seeker’s floor panels and bending one of those dead fingers about thirty degrees in the wrong direction—Daxx didn’t stop to ask after her health. He scooped her up with a burly arm around her ribs, and tossed her skinny junkie ass through the exit. She landed with skin-splitting force, but didn’t feel it through the haze. Knowing to enjoy that particular lack while she could. Knowing what was coming next.

But to watch the wall of freezing air chasing them from The Seeker’s belly wasn’t a sight she often got to enjoy, so there, on the floor of Daxx’s spiffy little scouting skiff, she watched. Hair pulled toward the vacuum sucking the life from The Seeker’s entrails, she watched, grinning that mad grin only an addict could pull off. Because, really. Most people didn’t get to see this more than just the once, as it usually preceded a horrific, suffocating death, given that most were too lazy or stupid to install the necessary fail safes.

Which wasn’t to say that she had created those necessities. Only that it was stupid to go without. When the last of the vultures had scrambled into the little scouting ship suckered onto The Seeker’s butt cheeks, Daxx slammed the door shut with plenty of time before the frost crackled through his hull.

The drama queen.

“Fuck,” he snapped, really biting that word in half before turning dark eyes down at her. “You,” he said, and closed the distance between them. Pulling her up by the lapels of her leather jacket. Making the seams bulge in protest, even if she didn’t. And then, with shaking hands, Daxx spun her, pressing her bruised, scarred cheek to a stack of frigid plastic storage bins. Wrenching first her left, then right arm behind her back no matter that bent finger or her failure to fight back, he kept her pinned with the weight of his body. With his groin and hip.

“Easy,” Iris rasped, teeth gnashing against the pain she shouldn’t be able to feel, but did. And when his elbow caught at one of those places number Six had told her qualified as a third degree burn, she couldn’t help the squawk of protest.

Daxx thumped her against the boxes. “Shut the fuck up. I’m more’n capable of finding something to gag you with.”

And then he snapped his fingers at one of his men and bound her wrists behind her back with what might have been a belt or several linked zip-ties. Wrenched so high, so tight, not even the opium could mask the pain. With a huff, he sat her in a jump seat beside the skiff’s only toilet, and took the spot opposite her. Planting his boot on her chest as he crossed burly arms. Glaring. Iris grinned, right knee bouncing.

“Nothing to say for that little stunt? You almost got us all killed, Iris. I’ll have to have the whole crew treated for radiation poisoning, and so help me, if even one of them dies…”

“Puhl-ease,” she drawled, trying to ease the strain on her shoulders, though it was largely impossible given the size thirteen boot planted on her sternum. “Vultures are easy to breed. You’ll have another crew in no time.”

Daxx didn’t so much as crack a smile, but one of the filthy scavengers did. “Not gonna be so high’n mighty when she’s servicin’ the whole crew. Gonna enjoy makin’ her cry. Gonna enjoy planting a few vultures in her belly after that comment. And that stunt. She can be our little breeder…”

“Aren’t you a charmer,” Iris said, eyes flicking over his crisp uniform. Pegging him as an officer, though that rank was sorely misplaced amongst vultures.

“What’s your name, sweetness?” The nameless one frowned, taken aback. “Why?”

“I’m a sucker for propriety. ‘Specially when I’m planning to unleash something naughty. Target needs a name, baby.”

Daxx snorted. “She’s my property until I say otherwise,” he said, cutting them off, not bothering to remove his boot from her chest, or allow her to name the man who wanted to breed her. The lane boss merely watched her as the skiff kicked off. Dragging The Seeker’s dead weight toward his ship. Slow and lazy.

“That’s mighty unfair of you,” the unnamed vulture said, eyes sticking on the bare skin of her thighs. The way her ratty boxer-shorts sagged and hinted at what might lie in shadows. “Don’t see why she can’t take a few cocks and work for you at the same time. Her holes are separate from her brain, aren’t they?”

Accustomed to such blustery nonsense, Iris yawned. Jaw cracking. Eyes watering. Body aching.

“What makes you think I want to share with you, Shantz?” Daxx smirked, tipping his head back as they made their lumbering progress. “I’ve got plans for the girl.”

Unimpressed, she let the opium close her eyes. Rolling Shantz’s name around her tongue, just to get the feel for it.

* * *

This last weekend involved a very significant amount of alcohol, hanging with some friends, getting authorlandia stuff done, and I am actually starting to feel better now. ‘Inheritance’ even has THE END typed out, I have done a read-through and am working on some edits! Let’s hope I can get this done so I can get it out to you, I can see the end in sight lovelies!

Until then, grab ‘Delirium’ because it is just amazing and enjoy the very twisted sci-fi trip!

Amazon: 1-Click Now!

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Want more of Myra Danvers?

Raised by her awesome parents in Canada’s snowy north, Myra learned perseverance from an early age. She learned to speak in third person, via extensive reading as a child, because… well… Northern Canada gets a LOT of snow. And when one isn’t snowboarding, building quinzees, or waking up to teddy bears frozen to the floor, one tends to read about places that are warm–even if being cold is preferable to being hot, every-damn-time.

All that reading gave Myra the gypsy bug. So, after college, (where she majored in professional gypsying) she moved to a ski resort in British Colombia to be a ski bum and chase the winter, because the cold was in her bones and it never bothered her anyway. (Points because Elsa of Frozen is her spirit animal?)

But then life caught up with her, as it does, and now she’s stuffed full of enough life experience to write until transcendence (where she will be first in line to get a sweet android body and travel the universe until the end of time). So that’s what she does, when she’s not listening to the voices or taking apart the electronics just to see their insides.

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