I’ve got a treat for you guys today, lovelies! Two of my favorite people on the planet are Candice and Brandon Barrier. They’ve been reading my work since I was writing on Literotica and have supported me from Day 1 of my author journey. Not only would that make them special, but I’ve also met them in person and we’re all in the BDSM community and I fucking love them to death. SO! I was very excited when Brandon offered to write the Dom’s perspective on BDSM after I shared the Domme’s POV from another reader a few weeks ago. This is really special because they are letting us see into their private life, which is a real gift. Make sure to thank them if you enjoy this, because I know I’m grateful! <3 Curious what the #AskMeAnything is? Check out the official AMA page on my site over here.

Q: What is BDSM like from the Dom’s perspective?

A: Hello all, my name is Brandon, and I am 37 years old. Jennifer is a dear friend who asked me to talk a little about myself and the D/s relationship I have with my wife, Candice.

We got started in BDSM about 6 years ago. Candice actually got me into it with her asking me to read 50 Shades of Grey. While reading the story, I started asking her if she wanted me to be more like Mr. Grey in that I start taking a more dominant role in the bedroom, and she admitted she did.

So, what did you do?

I started doing more research into the BDSM lifestyle and watching more videos that were on the BDSM spectrum. In doing some research, I found a local BDSM group that had a monthly demonstration of various aspects of the lifestyle; rope bondage workshops, whips and the proper way to use them, pet play, and various other aspects within the BDSM lifestyle. Candice and I started going to the workshops, and the play parties afterwards, and learning a lot about the lifestyle and ourselves. This was by far the best thing for us to learn all sorts of different aspects within the lifestyle. Plus they were in a safe setting where we could test out the instruments with the teachers and get expert advice on the proper way to use they toys.

It was at these play parties that I discovered that I am a very sadistic person. I really do enjoy inflicting pain on a masochist. I think these feelings really came to light when we were at a whipping demonstration. As I was watching the female take the whipping and slowly slip into subspace, it was like Pandora’s box opening up in my mind. I started thinking of all the different ways I could inflict pain on Candice. Lucky for me, she likes that!! It wasn’t long before we were playing at the parties as well and started collecting various implements. It has been 4 years since we started collecting toys and we have close to 50 different instruments we can use. We eventually want to redo our basement and make it into a dungeon. That way I can take Candice down there and really make her fly high into sub space without having to re-arrange our bedroom.

What was it like realizing you were a Dom/sadist?

One thing that I had to come to grips with about the sadistic mindset was that while I like inflicting pain on someone, that person also enjoys receiving the pain I am giving them. It was a hard thing to allow myself to feel those feelings and still not consider myself a psychopath. It is also a constant battle in my head when I am in a scene with Candice. Because she is my wife, I struggle with allowing my sadistic side to take things too far, but also still give Candice enough to send her flying into subspace. More often than not, I wind up holding back and not allowing my demon to fully have control. It is not that I don’t think Candice can handle it, it is the inner conflict of me loving her and not wanting to hurt her. However, I have topped other submissives at play parties we have attended and I have had the chance to release the demon completely and have made those women scream. It was very fun to co-top with a female switch where we had her tied up and were taking turns with various instruments on the sub until she was very deep into sub space.

What’s it like being a Dom?

It is a very unique experience when I tap into my sadistic side. It makes me become hyper aware of all the sounds and movements the submissive makes while she is tied up. I develop tunnel vision and everything else in the room sort of becomes white noise. I enjoy watching the pain blossom through the submissive when I hit them with whatever instrument I am using. I love seeing the skin get red and more dark with each additional hit. Hearing the sub make moans and take in a sucking breath, screaming out in pain – it’s the greatest soundtrack. Watching the sub take more and more pain and taking them into subspace is the ultimate pleasure for my sadistic demon. I get a high from watching the submissive float and ride the endorphins. I feel like it connects us in a way that few people will ever be able to achieve.

One of the things I like to do is breath play with Candice. It is such a rush to have one’s life in your hands, deciding when they can breathe in and when they cannot. It takes a tremendous amount of trust on each other’s behalf. The submissive has to trust their Dom with their life. They are allowing another person to decide when they can breathe. The Dom has to be able to read the signs of their submissive to make sure that they are taking them to the edge, but not going over to the point that their submissive passes out. The main instrument I use in this play is my hands. I like to feel her pulse under my hand, the way it quickens as I allow Candice just a little bit of air. The struggle for her to keep her submission or panic and start to fight back shows vividly in her eyes. It is such a rush to have someone’s life in your hands, but with such extreme play you have to make sure that you are hyper aware of the sub and any little signs that she may be in serious distress and not to injure her neck with the pressure you place there with your hands.

Aftercare is so important as well when doing extreme play, or any play for that matter. I think the aftercare portion of the play is just as important as the paying attention to the sub during play. Because the sub has such a rush of endorphins and is coming down from that rush, it is important to be there and take care of the sub. Sometimes the play can involve stuff that would make most people question if you actually love someone or not. So it is important to make sure the sub knows they are cared for and that your feelings have not changed for them in any way, shape or form. If nothing else, you are so proud of them for taking what you gave them and they gave you their submission seamlessly.

Thank you for letting me share this on your blog, Jennifer.

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Wasn’t that AWESOME, lovelies? I am so glad to have found so many amazing people through my writing, and Brandon and Candice are some of the best. They are so open, so wonderful, and such incredible examples of the BDSM lifestyle done right. They’re also a great example of what can happen when you’re open with your partner and communicate your wants and needs! (Something that I talk about in the “getting kink in your relationship” AMA). I want to thank them both SO much for sharing their lives with all of us so that we can have the Dom’s POV on this blog as well.

Until next time, lovelies!