askmeanything

We’re back with another Ask Me Anything post! Today, I’m answering a question an author friend sent me who is writing a BDSM story for the first time. Curious what the #AskMeAnything is? Check out the official AMA page on my site over here. Enjoy!

 

Q: What are your pet peeves in BDSM books?

A: Before I come across sounding like a bitch or something, I have to explain how this post happened. A good friend of mine (and an excellent author) started writing her first story with BDSM elements in it, and she was asking me questions about different implements / situations / etc. because she knows I write it myself and live it outside of my books too! As we were talking I shared a few of the things that frustrate me whenever I read BDSM romance or erotica. It’s a genre I love to read (the rare times I get the chance to read) and so when any of these cringey/eye-roll-worthy things happen, I really do get irritated.

So, here are my pet peeves in BDSM books. You might agree, or you might not, but here we go!

Being unable to sit down or lie down. Okay, for real, anyone that has received a punishment knows this is just ridiculous. Even after over 60+ cane strikes in a session I was able to sit in a freaking chair. Sure, bruises can make things uncomfortable, cane cuts can make you wince and maybe even groan when you sit, but being unable to sit down? Collapsing to the floor when you try to sit in a chair? I roll my eyes so hard when I see this show up in books. It tells me that the person probably has no idea what they’re talking about and there’s a 99.9% chance they’ve never experienced it. Especially when this occurs after a hand spanking! The only real exception to this pet peeve for me would be a harsh whipping. If a character has open wounds, then they’re probably not sitting or lying down on the wounds. But welts? cane cuts? A sore/red bottom from a long spanking? Puh-lease.

Characters purposefully disobeying a direct order from their recognized, SSC Dominant partner. Now, this one has a lot of exceptions. As authors in this genre, we often use tropes that put our submissive characters in situations to get in trouble, and I’m fine with that as long as they make sense. The ones that have to do with rushing off to try and prevent a disaster/save a life? Yep, that makes sense. Making an honest mistake, like losing track of time or forgetting a phone call? Sure, yep, we’ve all been there. The times when I just want to shut a book (and I won’t even buy one if it seems this is where it’s headed) are when the submissive character has been told something like “Don’t spend any more money shopping! You’re on a budget!” and the submissive character goes to the mall and cries over a pair of high heels that she just has to have, buys them, and then she acts surprised when she gets home and gets in trouble and then whines through her whole punishment. *slams head into desk* That’s just ridiculous, and (in my opinion) if a sub doesn’t respect her Dom enough to follow something as simple as “Don’t buy a two hundred dollar pair of shoes” then she’s a shitty submissive, and he needs to just break it off. #NotFinishingTheBook

Masochists/submissives not feeling pain at all. I’m a masochist, and a pain slut, and as I mentioned in the subspace post from before – whether we have the little set of crossed wires on the inside that make us more capable of converting that pain into pleasure, it still fucking hurts to get caned! I’m about to talk more about how dangerous things like this can be, but on this topic I feel like it mainly sets insane expectations for people. Sure, everyone’s pain tolerance is different, but the key word there is tolerance. There is still pain, and to ignore the fact that a belt, or a crop, or a cane hurts is just ridiculous.

SSC Dominant partners doing flat-out, researchable, stupid shit. I don’t think anyone (either in or out of the community) expects anyone to know everything. I sure as hell don’t know every implement out there, and I definitely don’t know how to use them all or how they feel, etc. There’s a ton I don’t know – but there’s also a lot of ways to find those things out if I wanted to put one of those things in a story. I’ve never done fire play, for instance, but I know people I could ask about it so I didn’t have the Dom do something ridiculous and/or dangerous. When I read a story where in a consensual play scene someone whips all the way down the sub’s back, I cringe. No responsible Dom would land an implement on the small of the back where important organs like the kidneys and liver are pretty much unprotected besides a layer of muscle. The upper/middle back are protected by the rib cage, but the lower back can cause serious issues. It’s something simple, and totally researchable, and whenever I see it show up I just shake my head and get a little pissed off because there’s enough people in the world who get inspired by the books written in this genre and want to try things out – and they often mistake fiction for a how-to guide, and things like ^this^ can put people in jeopardy.

Also, SSC Dominant partners trying out implements for the FIRST TIME on a submissive. Same issue I just mentioned on this subject. When couples start to dip their toes into BDSM, if they were inspired by kinky, fun fictional books, then they will sometimes believe it’s totally okay to go out, buy a cane, and start cracking away with it. Whenever I see a Dom in a book that has admitted they are A) new to the lifestyle, or B) never used/touched the implement in question, I want to toss my kindle when they start using it without even a casual mention that they, you know, researched how to use it, or took at least ten minutes to practice. Even “lighter” implements like a belt or crop could really hurt someone, and there is a technique for each implement. It’s why at the bare minimum everyone should read, watch some YouTube videos, etc. before even trying to use something the first time. When we make our characters able to innately understand how to snap a bullwhip against someone’s skin without tearing them open, it’s not only stupid, it’s dangerous.

We may know it’s fiction, and we may expect people to know it’s fiction, but if we’re depicting a healthy, safe, sane, consensual BDSM relationship – then we should do it right, and that might mean spending our time researching before we write a scene.

The good news? My author friends don’t make these mistakes, which is why I love them so much. They’re all so committed to doing the responsible thing when writing their stories that sometimes they get lost down the research rabbit hole (just like I do) in their effort to make their story the best possible it can be.

So, now you know what someone like me both as an author and an active submissive, gets irritated by in our genre. Obviously, these are just my opinions, lovelies. Do you agree? Disagree? Tell me!

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